Does being a mother mean having to make a choice between a career and motherhood? I love being a mother and I also enjoy my work but there is an inordinate amount of guilt that keeps me from enjoying either of these areas of my life. Perhaps that is the lapsed catholic in me, remnants of my past.I know the feelings are not unique to me, my kids are on summer break they dont want to attend summer camps anymore as they are now older. Can't say I blame them, I remember the freedom of owning summer being able to move freely throughout the community of my childhood. I don't remember a schedule full of rules only to be home for supper, not to bother other parents, and be in the house before a certain time.

My mother was home, the choice of working was taken from her due to prolonged medical issues, she worked hard as a mother and she was the anchor that I had attached an invisible tether. She was always there for me it was not until I was in my early 20's before I really appreciated this.

I want my kids to sleep in and be lazy, I want to be their anchor I know I am but the tether is attached to my cell phone plus now there are a lot of rules to go with the schedule.

What do you do?

Its a new day

It is nice to be on vacation. I love my job and I don't mind the break but the best part of a vacation for me besides spending time with the kids is not having to wear make- up and fuss over how I look for all the strangers in my life. It has taken me years to understand how to wear make-up properly and the transformation although remarkable frustrates me. I feel like I am dressing in drag just without the feathers but it is intended to put a show on.

I could write about the day to day heartbeat of my life but I live in a world that is cloaked in anonymity. This affects just about every aspect of my personal and professional life. I may have theories and opinions but at the end of a day so does everyone. I want the freedom to write and talk about change and perspective without being inundated with all of the self proclaimed spiritual giants of the world telling me what to think and how grateful I need to be.

There are several things I have learned over the years everyone experiences crisis, pain, joy, fear, the list is endless. Sadly I spend a lot of time consummed with my own deluge of drama and forget about everyone else. My question is when does this end? My life now is pretty much devoted to helping others, I do this for the most part from a selfless place however there are moments when I feel like my ego is drowning me.